My Self-Doubts and Aspirations
It’s been several weeks once again since I posted on YouTube, so I thought it was about time I updated you guys with what I’ve been doing with myself in that time.
I uploaded a video during Inktober about being a “do-er” not a “dreamer” where I talk about the fact that throughout my adult life I’ve always had big dreams or ideas but never end up executing on them, so therefore I had always been a “dreamer,” rather than a “do-er”.
There are several reasons for this happening, mostly ranging from having self-doubt and low self-confidence - from doubting my ability to achieve my dreams or whether my ideas are good enough, to being fearful of experiencing backlash (either from people saying I can’t do it, to people thinking it’s a dumb idea and being laughed at or ridiculed for it). These usually start as subtle anxieties that onset the over-thinking of things, leading to procrastination, and eventually abandoning of ideas altogether.
It’s usually something that slowly develops - it’s extremely common for people to have a great idea and even get a head start on it, but eventually reach a point where they give into that self-doubt and let the idea fall to the wayside, most often from hitting roadblocks which stunt their self-confidence.
This is a big reason why people fail at things they set out to do - like starting a new, ambitious project, or setting new health goals. People often talk about the road to success not being a gradual upward slope, but a crazy journey of highs and lows, sometimes where their path leads them backwards before they can move forwards again. Starting something new or ambitious puts you in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable position, and so your ability to work through this discomfort really depends on your attitude. If you’re not in the right headspace - if you’re having serious self-doubts - it’s much easier to give into them and retreat to your usual familiarities and comforts. But obviously if you do this, you’ll never grow as a person.
These self-doubts and discomforts are the reason why I haven’t been confident enough to talk about my ambitions in a video yet - because I’ve had serious doubts about whether I can achieve it, and I’m not yet comfortable with telling people what the goals are that I’m setting out to achieve. But it’s something that I know I have to work past, because I’ve come to believe that this task is something I MUST accomplish, because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and I know that achieving it will give me much greater self-confidence, and therefore deeper personal fulfillment and happiness. Self-doubt is a vicious cycle of negative feelings towards oneself, resulting in inability to accomplish goals, which then results in negative feelings towards oneself. In order to break out of this cycle, that self-doubt needs to be addressed head-on. At that point the cycle can even be reversed, where self-confidence leads to accomplishing one’s goals, which leads to greater self-confidence and ability to accomplish future goals.
So basically, in terms of my goals, I’m wanting to make a business out of creating art, in a way where I can explore my own creativity and create art that means something to me personally, but which can also be enjoyed by others, personally. Since this is something I really want to come to fruition, I don’t want to be too ambitious and take on too much, resulting in getting overwhelmed by the sheer work involved and giving up. I’m starting off small, but I have ideas of how the business could grow. I’m doing a lot of research and am trying to be as smart as I can about the business side of things, as it’s all very new to me. But it’s exciting learning new things!
To put it simply, I’m wanting to create a line of t-shirts with my art printed on them. But to delve into it more: I want the business to have a deeper purpose that I, and others, can connect to, and that’s what I’ve been doing most of my research on. The reason I’m focusing on that is because I want to make a business, and artworks, that have underlying meaning and intent, as this will give me greater drive and direction whilst working on and growing the business.
I’m probably 80% of the way there with determining the meaning- and purpose-side of the business, and then of course the creation of artworks, printing and marketing will then be dependant on what that is.
I’m going to continue to update you guys on my journey with this, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to share the results over the next several months!
Watch the video below: