What I've Been Up To
I apologise that I haven’t made a video/blog post for a few weeks! I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to achieve in my life, and I haven’t been ready to talk about it yet because I’m still figuring it all out at the moment.
To be honest, I’ve always felt like I’m someone who wouldn’t amount to much, because I’ve always been too chicken to commit myself to something big or risky, like making big changes or big decisions that have a lot riding on them. I was always insanely shy when I was growing up, and I’d always worry about what people thought of me, what I was going to do, what would make me happy, and being judged on that...
Everyone has big dreams, but I can understand now why only some people really achieve their dreams - because it’s scary. It takes big risks to get big rewards, and sometimes the potential risks are seriously daunting.
Growing up, everything is always made out to be so black and white - like you had to make a choice of what you want to do with your life once you finish school, and stick with it. It meant that I was always afraid of making a choice, because I felt like I had only one shot to get it right, and I couldn’t change my mind once I’d committed myself.
I’m sure you’re all listening to this and saying “lord, were you wrong about that.” And I definitely understand that now.
I’m finally beginning to trust myself to take those risks in life, even when the results aren’t a sure thing. But I’m still learning to have confidence in myself, my choices, and my abilities. I’m still afraid of backlash from people saying I can’t do this, or laughing at my dreams. Of course, these people are just being negative and unsupportive and are likely the kinds of people who never have or will take such a risk. But I’ve grown up always having such little faith in myself that I’m very apprehensive about putting myself out there.
In saying this, I’m not saying that I’m too afraid to take a risk. Rather, I’m saying that I’ll probably wait to share what I’m wanting to do until I’ve done a lot more research and work, and have a lot more understanding of what I’m doing. That way, when I do get any backlash, I’ll already have the confidence in knowing that what I’m doing is right for me, and that I’ve got the right attitude to achieve it.
I’m definitely being surprised by the support I’ve gotten from the close friends and family I’ve talked with so far. Obviously, those are people who are likely to show support, and are the right people to confide in first.
I know the traditional kind of career of working for a big company until you retire isn’t going to make me happy. I’m wanting to work as hard as I can to build a career and life that I WILL enjoy, and I know that it’s going to take a lot of work. But I want to take that risk, because we’ve only got one life, so we might as well give it our best shot, rather than live our lives thinking of what we could have been, or could have achieved if we’d just tried.
So over the next few weeks I’m going to continue as I have been doing, and keep thinking and researching and planning, and hopefully sometime soon I’ll have the courage to give you all some insight into what I want to do!